Family and Divorce Lawyers
How to Deal With an Alienating Parent: Legal Strategies and Remedies
During childhood and adolescence, many factors influence a person’s development — and parental alienation can affect children for years, sometimes for their entire lives. Parental alienation is a well-defined phenomenon in Israeli family law, and in addition to emotional treatment through qualified professionals, legal tools are available to address alienating behavior and compel change.
Alienating Parents Engage in a Form of Emotional Abuse
As an important starting point, labeling a parent as alienating requires extreme caution. Identifying an alienating parent is a complex determination that must be carefully distinguished from situations in which a child’s refusal to communicate is legitimate. As a legal department specializing in family law, we treat this classification with the seriousness and responsibility it demands.
By Igal Mor, Adv. & Notary
Accuracy in Legal Advice. Excellence in legal support.
“States Parties shall use their best efforts to ensure recognition of the principle that both parents have common responsibilities for the upbringing and development of the child.”
What Is an Alienating Parent?
An alienating parent is one who deliberately distances their child from the other parent without legitimate cause. Parental alienation differs from contact refusal, which describes a similar situation — children avoiding one parent — but where the reasons are genuine and justified, such as cases involving violence against the child.
In most cases, parental alienation does not arise spontaneously but develops as a result of one parent’s deliberate or unconscious actions — effectively conditioning the children to reject the other parent. Various circumstances can trigger this dynamic. For example, when one parent’s emotional state visibly deteriorates after the divorce while the other parent appears to thrive, children may attribute the first parent’s decline to the other parent’s actions, failing to understand that the two are not necessarily connected.
In another common scenario, a parent is forced to leave the household, and the children are exposed exclusively to the remaining parent’s version of events. Over time, they adopt that parent’s perspective — consciously or unconsciously. Especially when children are of elementary school age, parental alienation can persist for extended periods, during which the rift deepens without the alienated parent having any opportunity to present their side.
Beyond the devastating emotional toll on the alienated parent, parental alienation can have significant legal consequences. Children may express a preference for the alienating parent when custody arrangements are determined, resulting in the alienated parent losing both contact with the children and facing ongoing child support obligations without meaningful access to their own family.
How to Recognize Signs of an Alienating Parent
During divorce proceedings, intense emotions can cause many people to become alienating parents — often without realizing it. If you suspect alienation, consider whether your children’s attitude toward you has become noticeably different or colder. It is also advisable to consult with extended family members, such as the children’s grandparents, since parental alienation frequently affects the estranged parent’s entire family network.
A corresponding dynamic develops toward the alienating parent, who receives an exaggerated level of warmth and loyalty compared to the normal baseline. This may manifest as the children immediately supporting the alienating parent’s positions, accepting their version of events without question, adopting language and expressions characteristic of that parent, and other behaviors that indicate undue influence.
In Israeli law, this phenomenon is recognized as “parental alienation syndrome” and is referenced in numerous family court judgments. In RA 3009/02, Justice Proccia described a pattern in which a parent’s relationship with their children was characterized by extreme fluctuations — from reasonable and even enjoyable interactions to bitter, aggressive behavior on the children’s part, requiring supervised visits at a contact center. The court found that despite the father’s dedication and consistent efforts, the mother actively and persistently worked to distance the children, undermining the possibility of building a stable and positive relationship between the father and his children.
The alienating parent is characterized by emotional and physical closeness with the children, while the estranged parent suffers from emotional and physical distance. If you identify as a parent experiencing parental alienation, you should consider taking legal action to address the alienating parent’s behavior.
A study conducted by Dr. Amy Baker identified seventeen (17) main strategies employed by alienating parents, and they can be categorized into five categories: (1) Defamatory messages portrayed as unloving, dangerous, or unavailable about an estranged parent. (2) The disappearance of an estranged parent from the eyes and memories of a child, and sometimes the replacement of the estranged parent with an alternative. (3) Limiting meetings and communications between the child and the estranged parent and controlling the messages that pass from the estranged parent to the children. (4) Acting under the authority of the estranged parent, to the point of losing parental authority over the children. (5) Manipulating the children so that they destroy their estranged parent's trust. The effect of all of these strategies is to create a situation of conflict in the child's psyche that leads to distance between the child and the estranged parent, thus leading to the child's desire to end the relationship. An article by Fidler & Bala (2010) indicates that parents become alienating parents due to high or low level personality disorders, rigidity, perception of self-perfection, paranoid behavior, and narcissism. The article differentiates three categories. Passive in the context of the kids' relationship with the other parent, creates an atmosphere of support for separation. As part of his active response, he alienates the estranged parent in order to reinforce his anger toward them with a full understanding of his actions. Obsessive: desires to harm the estranged parent and destroy the children's relationship with him/her.
What Can Be Done About Parental Alienation?
Because we view the alienating parent as engaging in a form of emotional abuse, detecting the damage early and providing temporary relief are critical to preventing the relationship from deteriorating further. Legal proceedings involving risks to the parent-child relationship or child welfare require an initial, efficient, and swift response — including a prompt filing in family court with the child’s best interests at the center of every decision.
Several important steps should be taken when dealing with an alienating parent. First, act quickly — parental alienation is profoundly influenced by the passage of time. Choose to be active rather than passive or indifferent. Experts recommend seeking both emotional and legal professional guidance and taking measured steps to rebuild trust with the children. Remember that the alienating parent has made it their goal to push you away from the children through manipulation — so do not hold a grudge against the children or express anger toward them, as there is a high probability they are being misled.
From a legal standpoint, you may be able to request the appointment of a parental coordinator — a professional responsible for conducting a therapeutic process for the family unit and determining whether parental alienation actually exists. Meeting with a parental coordinator is extremely important, as their professional opinion can prove instrumental in subsequent court proceedings.
The treatment of such complex and serious cases of parental alienation, when one of the parents has a personality disorder and the symptoms among the children are so severe, requires extreme measures but is considered the last resort and is intended to protect the children. Keeping the children away from their mother if the professionals believe that she is emotionally abusing them is one way to protect them from further abuse. It is not acceptable to leave a captive in an abusive or abusive situation. It is not acceptable for a child who has suffered sexual, physical, or psychological harm to be left with an abusive parent. Only by removing the child from the offending environment can the child be saved. The same is true when a child is subjected to severe psychological abuse. It is only possible to restore the relationship with the abusive parent once the treatment factors and the courts have determined that the symptoms among the children and the alienating parent are decreasing, that the abuser (in this case, the mother) is being treated and that the treatment is effective, and even then it is undertaken under supervision and in a gradual manner. Following the latest ruling by the lower court of appeals dated 5/9/22, where it has been determined that there has been abuse of emotional and psychological nature, there is also a reason to act accordingly."
Parents should not give up on attending events where they are expected to be present, such as the child’s birthday celebrations, school meetings, and other milestones. This is also legally significant, because courts sometimes base decisions on objective behavioral tests. Claiming “I knew the child was angry with me, so I chose not to attend” is a weak argument that may harm your position.
As an extreme measure in cases of confirmed parental alienation, courts may impose sanctions against the alienating parent. Israeli court rulings reflect a wide range of legal tools available to judges, including contempt orders, financial fines, travel restrictions, and in severe cases, even imprisonment.
The most important step is to surround yourself with people you trust who will protect your interests — whether through the emotional support of family and friends, professional therapy to help you cope, or educational guidance to rebuild your relationship with your child. Additionally, it is essential to retain a family law attorney whom you trust to advocate effectively on your behalf.
Protecting Your Relationship With Your Children
Both children and parents can suffer long-term effects from parental alienation. It is essential to do everything in your power to prevent alienation from developing — and to take immediate action if it has already begun. Parents experiencing parental alienation must know that effective legal and therapeutic remedies exist, but professional intervention is necessary to achieve meaningful results.
We strongly recommend consulting a family law attorney with experience in parental alienation cases. Mor & Co. Law Firm’s family law department focuses on complex divorce and custody matters, including parental alienation. We represent clients in family courts daily and bring the expertise needed to address these sensitive situations. Contact us for a no-obligation consultation on parental alienation or contact refusal at 02-595-3322 or WhatsApp at 050-441-1343.