Co-parenting: building a family without a couple, and what the agreement must cover
Co-parenting is not another version of divorce. Two people who are not partners choose to raise a child together, so everything a couple settles as it goes has to be settled here in advance, in writing, and before the child is born.
"This agreement is written at the stage when the parties agree about everything. That is exactly the moment at which it is worth something."
Adv. Ester Efrati · Head of the Family and Inheritance Department
What co-parenting is
Co-parenting is an arrangement in which two people who are not partners decide to bring a child into the world and raise that child together, each in their own home. There is no shared household and no relationship between them, but there is a shared child and every legal consequence that follows.
Two terms sound alike and are not the same. Shared custody is the division of time between parents who were a couple and separated, and it is covered on the page custody and parenting time. Co-parenting begins before birth, between people who never shared a life, and therefore needs far earlier and far more detailed arrangement.
The practical difference is simple. Separated parents have a shared history of routine, school, a paediatrician and habits. In co-parenting there is no such starting point. Every detail has to be decided from nothing, which is why the agreement is not a formality but the foundation itself.
Who chooses this model
There is no single profile. These are the situations that recur in our practice:
- Women and men without a partner who do not want to give up parenthood because of age or circumstances.
- LGBT men and women who choose to parent with someone of the other sex, sometimes while each of them has a partner of their own.
- Long-standing friends who decide to raise a child together out of a long acquaintance.
One thing is common to all of them: the relationship between the parties is not a romantic one, so it lacks the balancing mechanisms a couple has. A document takes their place.
It is worth knowing in advance that Israeli law recognises two parents for a child. A partner of one of the parties does not acquire parental status, even when they share the day to day raising of the child. Anyone planning a family in which more than two adults are involved should take that into account at the planning stage.
The agreement and its legal standing
A co-parenting agreement is a contract between the two parties. It is best signed before conception, at the stage when there is no child yet and no dispute yet, and from the moment of signature it binds the parties between themselves.
After the birth the agreement can be filed for approval with the family court, so that it carries the force of a judgment. Approval makes enforcement easier, but it has an important limit: on anything concerning the child, the court is not bound by the agreement. Questions of custody, parenting time and child support are always examined by the best interests of the child, even where the parties wrote otherwise.
What this means in practice: a good agreement does not try to lock the court out. It sets out an arrangement that will stand the best interests test, so that there is no reason to depart from it.
For that reason each party should be separately represented. An agreement drafted by one lawyer for both is exposed to a later claim of misunderstanding or pressure, and that claim surfaces exactly when the first dispute arises.
The pregnancy stage
This is the chapter that is easiest to skip and the one that produces most of the disputes. It covers the period before birth, when there is no child yet but there are already joint decisions.
- The method of conception and the genetic testing to be carried out beforehand.
- Monitoring the pregnancy: at which clinic, and which tests beyond the mandatory ones will be done. Alongside routine tests there are tests that are a matter of judgment, and it is worth deciding in advance who decides.
- The costs of the period: tests outside the health basket, living costs, maternity clothes and lost working days.
- Presence at the birth and who accompanies the mother.
- The child's name. It looks technical, and in practice it is one of the first things to blow up.
Another question worth settling is what happens if conception does not occur, if the pregnancy ends, or if one party changes their mind beforehand. An agreement that is silent on this leaves the parties without a map at exactly the hardest moment.
Legal parenthood and registration
Legal parenthood does not flow from the agreement but from the law. The agreement governs the relationship between the parties; registration is a separate matter.
Where the child is born to a mother and a biological father who are not married, the father is required to sign a declaration of paternity in order to be registered as the father. It is a simple step while the parties co-operate, and considerably harder when one of them changes position. It is therefore worth stating expressly in the agreement that the parties will co-operate on registration immediately after the birth.
Where one of the parents is not a biological parent, a separate proceeding is needed for legal recognition of parenthood, and the agreement or the hospital registration is not enough. This has to be examined on the specific facts, because the conditions differ from case to case.
Further matters worth settling now: guardianship and who decides on education and health, what happens on the death of one parent, and how inheritance for the child is arranged. Some of this is covered on the page guardian ad litem and on the wills pages.
Homes, parenting time and decisions
This is the chapter that shapes daily life. In co-parenting it is written in advance, before there is any routine to rely on.
- Where the child lives in the first years and who cares for the baby in practice in the first months.
- A detailed weekly schedule with days and hours, not only a general division.
- Holidays and vacations on an odd and even year basis, to avoid renegotiating every year.
- Geographical distance: what happens when one party wants to move city for work or a new relationship, and what counts as a reasonable distance.
- Significant decisions: educational framework, medical treatment, travel abroad and who holds the passports.
- One channel of communication for co-ordination, so that there is no dispute about what was said.
A move abroad is a separate matter and does not follow from the agreement alone. See relocating abroad with the children.
Child support and expenses
The rule set by the case law applies here in full. Since July 2017, for children aged six to fifteen the burden of support is divided between both parents according to the ratio of their incomes and the actual extent of parenting time, and not according to which parent is which.
In co-parenting the effect is especially sharp: the division of time set in the agreement is also a financial figure. Any change to the weekly schedule changes the calculation. There is therefore no point in closing the timetable chapter without examining what it does to the money chapter.
- Ongoing expenses: food, clothing, educational framework and activities.
- Exceptional expenses: medical care outside the health basket, dental treatment, assessments and therapy.
- Savings for the child and the child allowance, which is paid into a single account.
- An updating mechanism: what happens when one party's income changes materially, or when the child's needs change.
More on the pages child support and increasing or reducing support.
What changes over time
An agreement is signed in one reality and the child grows up in another. These are the changes that recur, and the agreement should address them in advance.
- A new partner for one of the parties, and how far they are involved in raising the child.
- A move or a change in working hours.
- Another child for one of the parties, which also changes the financial picture.
- The child's age: an arrangement that suits a toddler does not suit a first grader, and certainly not a teenager.
- A continuing dispute that makes daily co-ordination impossible.
An agreed change mechanism saves litigation. Absent agreement, the route is an application to the family court, which examines the request by the best interests of the child and by what has actually been happening. Here too, as in every case involving children, the arrangement that operated in practice over the past year weighs more than the wording on the page.
In summary
Co-parenting is a legitimate and recognised choice, but it rests on a foundation that is built in advance. What a couple settles in passing is settled here in writing, before there is a child and before there is a dispute.
Three things affect the outcome more than anything else: when the agreement is signed, how detailed it is, and understanding that questions concerning the child are always examined by the child's best interests and not only by what the parties wrote.
If you are considering co-parenting or already in the process, contact us to examine the arrangement and to draft an agreement that fits your circumstances.
To speak with us: Jerusalem 02-5953322 · Tel Aviv 03-3030430 · WhatsApp 050-4411343
What people ask most
What is the difference between co-parenting and shared custody?
Shared custody is the division of time between parents who were a couple and separated. Co-parenting begins before the child is born, between two people who are not partners and never shared a life. Hence the practical difference: there is no prior routine to rely on, so everything is settled in advance and in writing.
When should the agreement be signed?
Before conception. That is the stage at which the parties agree about everything and there is no child around whom a dispute can form. From signature the agreement binds the parties between themselves, and after the birth it can be filed for the court's approval.
Does the family court approve a co-parenting agreement?
Yes. After the birth the agreement can be filed with the family court for approval, giving it the force of a judgment. Approval makes enforcement easier, but it does not make the agreement immune from re-examination.
Is the court bound by the agreement on matters concerning the child?
No. On custody, parenting time and child support the court decides by the best interests of the child, even where the parties wrote otherwise. A good agreement therefore does not try to lock the court out, but sets out an arrangement there is no reason to depart from.
What happens if one party changes their mind before conception?
This is one of the reasons the agreement should address the scenario in advance: what becomes of treatment that has already begun, who bears the costs already incurred, and within what period the decision can be reversed. Without that, the parties are left without a map at the hardest moment.
How is paternity registered when the parents are not married?
The father is required to sign a declaration of paternity in order to be registered as the child's father. Where the parties co-operate it is a simple step. Where one of them refuses, an application to the court is needed, so it is worth including an express undertaking to co-operate on registration immediately after the birth.
Is a new partner of one of the parents a legal parent?
No. Israeli law recognises two parents for a child, and a partner of one of the parties does not acquire parental status even when they share the raising of the child in practice. Anyone planning a family involving more than two adults should take that into account at the planning stage.
Who pays child support in co-parenting?
Both parents. Since July 2017, for children aged six to fifteen the burden is divided by the ratio of incomes and by the actual extent of parenting time. The division of time set in the agreement is therefore also a financial figure, and any change to it changes the calculation.
Can the agreement provide that no support will be paid?
Support is the child's right and not the parent's, so a waiver by one party does not prevent the court from re-examining it. A detailed division of expenses can and should be set out, but there is no certainty that an arrangement cancelling support will stand.
What happens when one parent wants to move city?
This is one of the most common sources of dispute, so it is worth defining in the agreement what counts as a reasonable distance and what is required of the party who wants to move. Moving to another country is an entirely separate matter, examined in child relocation proceedings.
Do we need two separate lawyers?
It is strongly recommended. An agreement drafted by one lawyer for both parties is exposed to a later claim of misunderstanding or pressure, and that claim surfaces exactly when the first dispute arises.
Can the agreement be changed later?
Yes. By agreement, an updated version is filed for approval. Absent agreement, a material change of circumstances is required, for example the child's age and needs, a move, a change in working hours, or an arrangement that is not in fact being kept.
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The divorce processLeaving home before divorceReconciliation or divorceRequest for dispute resolutionDissolution of marriageEconomic abuseRestraining orderThe children
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A short assessment call with a lawyer from the department, in which we will go over what your agreement has to include, what the division of time means financially, and what is better settled before conception.