Custody and parenting time: how the arrangement is set, and what follows from it
Since 2017 the question is no longer "who has the children" but how much time they actually spend with each parent, in practice and in percentages. That shift made the division of parenting time a figure that feeds directly into child support, so neither can be arranged without the other.
"Parents fight over the word custody, and then discover that what gets counted in the end is how many nights a week the child sleeps at each home. Better to start from the calendar than from the title."
Adv. Ester Efrati · Head of the Family and Inheritance Department
Custody, parental responsibility and parenting time
Three terms get mixed together in everyday speech, and they are not the same thing. Telling them apart is the first step in any file.
- Parental responsibility is the right and duty to take decisions about the child: education, health, place of residence. It remains shared by both parents after the divorce, unless otherwise ordered.
- Custody relates mainly to where the child lives and which parent they are with on a settled basis.
- Parenting time is the actual division: how many days and nights a week, and what happens on holidays and vacations.
The trend in recent years has been away from the word custody and towards the language of parental responsibility and parenting time, on the understanding that the label creates a sense of winner and loser while the actual division is what shapes daily life.
The kinds of arrangement
The law contains no closed list, and in practice arrangements sit on a spectrum. These are the recurring patterns.
Residence with one parent
The child lives on a settled basis with one parent, and the other has fixed parenting time, usually a midweek stay and alternate weekends. This is still the most common arrangement, particularly for young children.
Shared custody
The child spends comparable amounts of time with both parents. It does not require an exact fifty-fifty split, but it does require the homes to be close together, the parents to be able to communicate, and the routine to stay stable.
A blended arrangement
A division that is neither symmetrical nor traditional, for example sixty-forty, or one that changes between the school year and the holidays. This is the fastest-growing category in practice, because it adapts to working hours and to the children's ages.
To test whether a particular division is workable before committing to it, you can build it in the visual parenting plan builder and see it on a calendar with holidays and vacations.
By agreement or by claim
There are two routes to an arrangement, and the gap between them is far wider than it first appears.
By agreement, the parents set the division themselves, record it in a custody agreement or within a comprehensive divorce agreement, and bring it to the court for approval. The process is short and inexpensive, and it leaves the control in their hands.
By claim, the decision passes to the court. A social worker for court procedures will usually be appointed to file a welfare report, and sometimes a further expert as well. The process takes many months, it costs money, and above all it raises the tension at home at precisely the time the children need stability.
What to know about approval
An agreed arrangement still needs approval. The court examines whether it fits the best interests of the child and may decline to approve it, though in practice that is rare. The practical meaning is that not everything can be agreed: an arrangement that harms the child will not be approved merely because both parents signed it.
The best interests of the child in practice
"The best interests of the child" sounds abstract, but in practice it is a list of facts examined in every file. These are the things that carry weight.
- The quality of the relationship between each parent and the child, and how involved each has actually been until now.
- Parenting capacity: the ability to identify the child's needs and meet them day to day.
- Stability and routine: where they live, the school, the continuity of friendships.
- Working hours and real availability, as they are rather than as they are declared.
- The parents' ability to co-operate and to communicate about the child. This is the central condition for a shared arrangement.
- The financial position as one factor among many, not as a decisive one.
- Geographical proximity between the homes, which bears directly on what is feasible.
One point worth taking in: the court examines what actually happened over the past year, not what each side undertakes to do from now on. The interim arrangement formed right after the separation therefore carries considerable weight, and is best shaped deliberately.
The child's voice, and who represents it
The child has a voice in the proceedings, but it is not decisive. The older the child and the better they understand what is at stake, the more weight their view carries.
That voice is heard in several ways: a conversation between the judge and the child, an interview with a social worker for court procedures as part of the welfare report, and in complex cases the appointment of a guardian ad litem whose role is to represent the child's interest in the proceedings, separately from both parents.
What to avoid
Preparing a child for a conversation, repeatedly asking about their preferences, or presenting the proceedings to them as a vote. These harm the child, and the court recognises them. In serious cases the conduct is examined as parental alienation and affects the decision itself.
How parenting time affects support
This is the connection most parents discover too late: the division of time is not only an emotional question, it is a figure in the financial calculation.
The amount of support is derived from three parameters: each parent's parenting time with the children, the ratio between the parents' incomes, and the extent of the children's needs.
What the 2017 judgment changed
In BAM 919/15, decided in July 2017, the Supreme Court held that for children aged six to fifteen both parents bear the support obligation according to their relative means and the division of parenting time between them, rather than the father alone as had previously been the practice.
That change has two practical consequences. First, the support obligation is no longer a matter of gender but of means and time. Second, the calculation stopped being a binary choice between "sole" and "shared" custody and moved to the actual extent of parenting time.
It follows that any change in the division changes the financial side too. Full detail on the child support page.
Building an arrangement that holds
A good arrangement is not the one that sounds fair in the room, but the one that can be carried out on a Tuesday morning. These are the points worth closing.
- A detailed weekly schedule with handover times, not only days.
- Holidays and vacations on an odd-and-even-year basis, so the negotiation does not repeat annually.
- Birthdays, family events and illness - who takes the child, and what happens when they are ill on the other parent's day.
- A mechanism for changes: how many days' notice, and how it is communicated.
- Communication: one fixed channel for co-ordination, so there is no dispute about what was said.
- Travel abroad and advance consent, including who holds the passports.
The more detailed it is, the less exposure to argument. An arrangement drafted in general terms produces repeated litigation on precisely the points left open.
Changing an existing arrangement
A custody arrangement is not permanent. It was built for the age and the circumstances that existed when it was set, and both change.
Change by agreement is the simple route: an updated agreement is filed for approval. Absent agreement, an application to the court is required, and there the rule is that a material change of circumstances is a condition for reopening the matter: a move, a change in working hours, the child's age and needs, or a situation in which the existing arrangement is not in fact being kept.
Cases of moving the child's centre of life from one parent to the other are dealt with on the changing a custody arrangement page, and a parent moving abroad on the relocating abroad with the children page.
In summary
The custody question sounds like a question about a label, but in practice it is a question about a calendar. What gets decided is how much time the child spends with each parent, and from that follow both the support and the stability of daily life.
Two things affect the outcome more than anything else: the arrangement that actually operates in the first months after the separation, and the level of detail in the agreement. Both are within your control, and both are settled early.
If you are at the beginning of this, contact us to consider the arrangement that fits your family and what it means financially.
To speak with us: Jerusalem 02-5953322 · Tel Aviv 03-3030430 · WhatsApp 050-4411343
What people ask us about custody and parenting time
What is the difference between custody and parental responsibility?
Parental responsibility is the right and duty to take decisions about the child, and it remains shared by both parents after the divorce. Custody relates mainly to where the child lives. In practice, what is decided and what shapes daily life is the division of parenting time.
Who usually gets custody?
There is no default in the law. The decision follows the best interests of the child, and the court examines the relationship with each parent, parenting capacity, stability and what is practically feasible. For young children an arrangement centred on one parent is still common, but shared custody is far more common than it used to be.
What is needed for shared custody?
Three practical conditions recur: geographical proximity between the homes, an ability on the parents\u2019 part to communicate and co-ordinate without escalating, and a routine that lets the child be settled in both homes. The absence of one of these is usually what decides against the arrangement, rather than the parents\u2019 wishes.
Does the child\u2019s view decide the matter?
The child has a voice, but it is not decisive. The weight grows with age and understanding. The voice is heard through a conversation with the judge, an interview with a social worker for court procedures, and sometimes through a guardian ad litem. Preparing the child for that conversation harms them and the court recognises it.
How does parenting time affect child support?
Directly. Since BAM 919/15 in 2017, the calculation for children aged six to fifteen is based on the ratio of the parents\u2019 incomes and the actual extent of parenting time, rather than on a binary split between sole and shared custody. Any change in the division of time changes the financial side too.
How long do custody proceedings take?
By agreement, approval can be completed within weeks. By claim, proceedings usually run for many months, mainly because of the wait for the welfare report from a social worker for court procedures and sometimes for an expert opinion.
What is a welfare report and what does it examine?
An opinion by a social worker for court procedures, prepared after meetings with the parents and the children and sometimes home visits. It examines the relationship, parenting capacity and routine, and recommends an arrangement. The court is not bound by the recommendation, but in most cases it carries decisive weight.
Can an existing custody arrangement be changed?
Yes. By agreement, an updated agreement is filed for approval. Absent agreement, a material change of circumstances is required: a move, a change in working hours, a change in the child\u2019s age and needs, or an arrangement that is not in fact being kept.
The other parent is not keeping to the parenting time. What can be done?
First, document it: dates, times and correspondence. An application for enforcement can then be made to the court, and in suitable cases an application to change the arrangement. Systematic non-compliance may also be examined in the context of parental alienation.
We live in different cities. Is shared custody possible?
The greater the distance, the lower the feasibility, mainly because of travel and the need for a single school. Over long distances the common arrangement is a centre of life with one parent together with extended parenting time in the holidays and at weekends.
What if a parent wants to move abroad with the children?
That is a separate proceeding, known as child relocation, and it requires the other parent\u2019s consent or the court\u2019s approval. The examination is stricter than for an ordinary change of arrangement, because the move harms the relationship with the parent left behind.
Is it worth starting with an interim arrangement?
Yes, but in writing and in detail. The interim arrangement quickly becomes the status quo, and the court examines what actually worked. An interim arrangement agreed orally and without a clear framework is a common source of later dispute.
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A short assessment call with a lawyer from the family law department, in which we will look at which division is workable in your situation, what it means for support, and how to draft an agreement that will not be back in court a year from now.