A Family and Divorce Lawyer’s
How to deal with an estranged parent
During childhood and adolescence, many variables influence the development of an adult, so parental alienation may affect children for a long period of time and even their entire lives.
It is well known that parental alienation is a well-defined phenomenon in the world of law, and in addition to the emotional treatment that often brings relief thanks to expert women and professionals, legal tools are also available to deal with alienating parents and change their behavior.
We believe that alienating parents are abusive parents.
- As a starting point, it is important that we make a reservation, to warn, and to emphasize, one must be very careful when labeling a parent as alienating. Understanding that an alienating parent is complex and requires extreme caution, unlike the minor’s legitimate refusal to communicate. As a legal department specializing in family law, we must take this matter seriously and act responsibly.
מאת עו״ד ונוטריון יגאל מור
דיוק בייעוץ המשפטי. מצויינות בליווי המשפטי.
What's an estranged parent?
A parent who alienates their child from the other parent is an alienating parent. The term parental alienation refers to situations in which a child refuses to maintain contact with one of his or her parents for no real reason. Parental alienation differs from the concept of refusal of contact, which refers to a similar situation in which the children are deprived of contact with the parent, but where the reasons are solid and justified (for instance, due to violence against a minor by the parent).
In most cases, parental alienation does not occur out of nowhere, but rather as a result of a parent who, through various actions, practically ‘brainwashes’ his children in order to make them reject the other parent.
Different and diverse situations can lead to parental alienation. For instance, parental alienation can occur when one parent disappears after a divorce while the other parent flourishes as a result of leaving the family home. Children may interpret the decline of the first parent as a fault of the successful parent, and fail to understand that there is not necessarily a connection between the two.
In another example, a parent might be forced to leave the household, and the children might be exposed to only one parent’s version of every event, and adopt his worldview (consciously or unconsciously). Often, especially when the children are of elementary school age, parental alienation can last for a long period, in which the rift between the parents and their children only deepens, without the alienated parent having any opportunity to present his or her perspective.
In addition to the difficult emotional experience faced by the alienated parent, this phenomenon may have significant legal ramifications, including the possibility that the children will prefer one parent over the other when determining their permanent shifts, which in addition to the distance will also impose alimony expenses without the alienated parent having any access to his children.
Are there any signs that indicate an estranged parent?
Often during divorce proceedings the high emotions may turn many people into parents of potential grandchildren, so in order to assess whether you are experiencing parental alienation, you should consider whether your children have a different or colder attitude towards you. Similarly, it is advisable to ask relatives such as the grandmothers and grandfathers of the children, since parental alienation often affects the entire family unit of the parent.
A similar process takes place in the opposite direction towards the estranged parent, who receives an overly warm attitude compared to the normal situation, an attitude which may be expressed through almost immediate support of the estranged parent’s position, by accepting his version of various events, by speaking in the language that typifies the estranged parent, and in various other ways.
In Israel, these things are defined under the concept of “parental alienation syndrome”, which is mentioned in a large number of family court judgments. According to the Honorable Judge Proccia, in the matter of RA 3009/02 Pelonit v. Peloni, no(4) 872(2002), among other things:
“Indeed, from the material submitted to the house –There appears to be a difficult, unstable, and fraught relationship between the father and his children, characterized by extreme transitions from a reasonable, even good and enjoyable relationship, to one marked by bitterness, difficulty, and aggression on the part of the children towards him to the point of having to meet at the relief authority’s contact center. under the auspices of the relief authorities.” Furthermore, “the father is dedicated to his relationship with his children and is ready to put a lot of effort into it, but has to endure extreme fluctuations in the children’s attitude towards him – a situation that causes great difficulty for them as well.” Nevertheless, she takes an active and consistent position which serves to distance the children from their father, removing the possibility of building a stable and positive relationship between them.”
The estranged parent is characterized by a physical and emotional approach to the children, while the estranged parent suffers from emotional and physical distance. Therfore, if you identify yourself as a parent experiencing parental alienation, you should consider legal action if you have to deal with a parent who alienates you.
A study conducted by Dr. Amy Baker identified seventeen (17) main strategies employed by alienating parents, and they can be categorized into five categories: (1) Defamatory messages portrayed as unloving, dangerous, or unavailable about an estranged parent. (2) The disappearance of an estranged parent from the eyes and memories of a child, and sometimes the replacement of the estranged parent with an alternative. (3) Limiting meetings and communications between the child and the estranged parent and controlling the messages that pass from the estranged parent to the children. (4) Acting under the authority of the estranged parent, to the point of losing parental authority over the children. (5) Manipulating the children so that they destroy their estranged parent's trust. The effect of all of these strategies is to create a situation of conflict in the child's psyche that leads to distance between the child and the estranged parent, thus leading to the child's desire to end the relationship. An article by Fidler & Bala (2010) indicates that parents become alienating parents due to high or low level personality disorders, rigidity, perception of self-perfection, paranoid behavior, and narcissism. The article differentiates three categories. Passive in the context of the kids' relationship with the other parent, creates an atmosphere of support for separation. As part of his active response, he alienates the estranged parent in order to reinforce his anger toward them with a full understanding of his actions. Obsessive: desires to harm the estranged parent and destroy the children's relationship with him/her.
what can be done?
As we view the alienating parent as a toxic parent, detecting the harm in the relationship in the early stages and providing temporary relief can help prevent the harm in the relationship from worsening or the relationship from being fixed in disconnection and refusal.
Therefore, legal proceedings that raise the risk of harming the relationship between parents and their children in the event of a family conflict, as well as procedures that raise the risk of harm to the protection of children, require an initial, efficient and swift response and a quick appeal to the family courts, while considering the well-being of the children.
It is important to take several steps when dealing with an estranged parent. Firstly, you must act quickly as parental alienation is a phenomenon that is largely influenced by the factor of time. It is important to choose to be active and avoid becoming passive and indifferent to the situation. The experts recommend that you seek the advice of both emotional and legal professionals and take reasonable steps with their advice in order to gain trust from the children and to aid in his rehabilitation. Moreover, it is essential to remember that the alienating parent has made the goal of pushing the other parent away from the children by manipulating them. Therefore, do not hold a grudge against them or be angry with them, since there is a high probability that they are being misled by the alienating parent.
Legally, it may be possible to request a parental coordinator, who is a professional responsible for conducting a treatment procedure for the family unit as well as determining whether there is actually parental alienation. It is extremely important to meet with the parental coordinator, since if it is indeed a foreign parent, the opinion of the coordinator may prove helpful in the continuation of the court case.
The treatment of such complex and serious cases of parental alienation, when one of the parents has a personality disorder and the symptoms among the children are so severe, requires extreme measures but is considered the last resort and is intended to protect the children. Keeping the children away from their mother if the professionals believe that she is emotionally abusing them is one way to protect them from further abuse. It is not acceptable to leave a captive in an abusive or abusive situation. It is not acceptable for a child who has suffered sexual, physical, or psychological harm to be left with an abusive parent. Only by removing the child from the offending environment can the child be saved. The same is true when a child is subjected to severe psychological abuse. It is only possible to restore the relationship with the abusive parent once the treatment factors and the courts have determined that the symptoms among the children and the alienating parent are decreasing, that the abuser (in this case, the mother) is being treated and that the treatment is effective, and even then it is undertaken under supervision and in a gradual manner. Following the latest ruling by the lower court of appeals dated 5/9/22, where it has been determined that there has been abuse of emotional and psychological nature, there is also a reason to act accordingly."
Moreover, parents should not give up on attending events where they are expected to be present. Events such as the child’s birthday, meetings in his educational setting, etc. As a legal matter, this is also important, as things are sometimes decided based on objective tests, which depend on each parent’s behavior; therefore, stating that “I knew the child was angry with me, so I preferred not to attend” would be a weak argument.
As an extreme measure when parental alienation occurs, courts impose sanctions against divorcing parents. In Israeli legal rulings, we find a great variety of legal tools that courts use, including Gaza orders, financial fines, restrictions on leaving the country, and even imprisonment.
The most important step is to surround yourself with people whom you trust and who will protect your interests. Whether it is therapy provided by family and friends or professionals who can help you cope emotionally, or whether it is education that can help you renew your relationship with your child as much as possible. Additionally, it is recommended that you use the services of a lawyer who you can trust when dealing with family matters.
In Conclusion
Both children and parents may suffer long-term effects as a result of parental alienation. In light of this, you should do everything in your power to avoid getting into a situation of parental alienation in advance, both as an estranged parent and, indeed, as an estranged parent. It is important for parents experiencing parental alienation to remember that there is something they can do, they must seek the assistance of a professional in order to resolve the issue.
It is strongly recommended that you consult a lawyer specializing in family law in order to make the right decision.
Mor & Co.’s family law department has extensive experience in this area of law. Our practice focuses on complex family and divorce cases and we represent and litigate in courts on a daily basis.
Due to our experience in legal handling of divorce cases combined with parental alienation, we are committed to doing our best to make our expertise available to our clients, while maintaining and being careful in all matters related to the legal process, and looking out for your interests.
Please feel free to contact us for legal advice (without obligation) regarding parental alienation/refusal of contact at 02-595-3322 or WhatsApp at 050-811-6181.
